Earlier this week, I opened my journal and made a list of my goals for the month of September as well as my goals for the last four months of the year (if y’all are interested in more goal-setting journal content, let me know!). I noted how much weight I want to lose, the fun things I want to do, how I want to see my business and income grow. In order to check off the things on my list, it’s going to require commitment, focus, effort, self control and self discipline.
I ain’t good at that.
I have a tendency to be self-indulgent. Specifically in habits that are bad for me like people please, over-eating, going along to get along, putting my needs on the back burner.
Self discipline and self control means being able to say “no” to yourself, to the habits you’ve formed over your life that may feel good in the moment, but don’t add anything to your overall well-being. If I have any chance of reaching my personal and professional goals and becoming the person I want to be inside and out, I need to get into the practice of saying “no” to myself.
I’m saying “no” to…
Filling awkward silences
I’m learning to be okay with silence and not having all the answers. In that same vein, I’m learning to take my time before I respond to people. I have a habit of saying “yes” right away without thinking whenever someone requests anything from me. But I want to take more time to think about what do I want? Even if that means having some awkward pauses.
The pressure to clean my whole plate
As a child, I struggled with a lot of food insecurity. I would hide food in my pockets and whenever I did eat, I ate EVERYTHING because I was afraid there would come a time I wouldn’t know where my next meal was coming from. But I’m trying to remember that I’m not that little girl anymore, I’m in control of my refrigerator and my food and I don’t have to be afraid. I can say “no” to the fear of not having enough.
Doing things out of guilt
I really want to get better at understanding why I do things. Am I doing something because I want to and I’m interested in it, or am I doing something because I feel obligated and guilty? I’m trying to learn the difference between being impeccable with my word (shoutout to The Four Agreements) and having the freedom to change my mind. I don’t want to do things out of a sense of guilt anymore. I want to do things out of a feeling of expectancy, joy, interest, and freedom.
Trying to prove my point
I’m proud to say this is something I’ve actually gotten better at, being okay with being misunderstood. I don’t feel the need to over apologize and smooth things over and don’t argue with people as much as I used to (which likely save me from a lot of headaches as we head into this election). People’s opinion of me is none of my business
Lying
This is an interesting one because I think we all lie without even realizing it. We say “I’m fine” when we’re not. We say “okay when we really mean “no way!” But I guess I want to make a commitment to being more truthful and honest about my feelings, and that includes not lying by omission. Staying silent about how I feel is just as damaging as outright saying that I feel something when I don’t.
Needing to be right
Lemme tell you, I was that kid in class who always had her hand raised. If i were a super hero, my catch phrase would be “Well, actually…” I'm a know-it-all, I freakin’ love correcting people. I gotta have all the answers and I beat myself up if I'm wrong. I gotta get more comfortable with saying “I dont know” and letting that be the end of it.
Working first thing in the morning
I’ve been working remotely since 2016 and when you spend so long working at home, it’s hard to create a division between life and work responsibilities. It became easy to fall into the habit of rolling over in the morning and immediately opening my laptop. And forgoing meals and activities and even sleep until the work was done at night. But I’m not doing that shit no more. From now on, my life comes first.
Self-doubt
I gotta start remembering that I’m that girl. I’m capable, I should be more confident. I use humility as a shield to stop myself from putting in any effort. I have to show up and show out. I deserve to be in the spotlight.
My therapist pointed out to me recently that I have an easier time identifying what I don’t want versus what I do want. I consider this to be progress for someone who spends a lot of her time and thoughts and life doing the opposite of what she wanted. If I can stand firmly in my “no’s,” maybe one day I’ll get closer to knowing/understanding all the things I want to say “yes” to. It’ll be hard, but it’ll be worth it.
This journal entry was written for DAY 4 of the Finding the Right Words September Affirmation Challenge. Follow Finding The Right Words on Instagram for more prompts and affirmations. Write your own journal entry and share it with me!
There’s no wrong way to journal. You just gotta find the right words. Happy Writing!
Love this list. The trying to prove a point one especially resonates. I’m no longer in the business of unnecessarily explaining myself. If someone is committed to misunderstanding me, ima let them. That’s their issue, not mine!
This was the perfect time for me to read this. Thank you for this!!!😊