All Along, I've Been Blooming 🌸

There can be no growth without gratitude. | GROWTH & GRATITUDE Week 1

growing and shit 🌺

PROMPT: What lessons have you learned this year? (plus an intro to my podcast!)

“Give yourself some gratitude for showing up to the mat today.”

I haven’t done a yoga video in forever. When I was working full time, I used to dread starting my work day because it meant I’d have to rush through my morning routine and eventually stop doing what I wanna do so I could do what I was “supposed” to do (aka, my work responsibilities) for that day. I used to pray, wishing that it were possible to spend my days just doing what I wanted to do, all the things that made me feel good without having to worry about the clock or some email ping interrupting me. I would read more, write more, create art, decorate my home, dance, travel, exercise, fuck, and do fun, healthy stuff like yoga all day without feeling stressed out and obligated to other responsibilities.

In my moment of contemplation on the mat today, I realized that I am currently living the life I prayed for this time last year. And I immediately started to panic.

I panicked because I feel like I’ve been wasting my time. In the last 10 months, I haven’t painted a single picture, I’m barely reading my books, and like I said, today is the first day I’ve been on a yoga mat in months. Instead, I spend my days stressed out, constantly worried about what’s going to happen next, in resistance to what's happening right now. 

I spend my days worrying about money and my body and what people must think of me as someone who left their 6-figure job and started a creative writing business. I spend so much time trying to change my circumstances, I haven’t taken the time to appreciate my circumstances. I spend too much time being mad that I’m not where I want to be instead of being glad about where I am.

I’m really grateful and blessed that I’ve been able to spend this year doing some really important work. I think from the outside looking in, it looks as though I haven’t been doing any work at all. I think I’ve spent the majority of this year looking at myself like I haven’t been doing any work because I’m not working in a traditional 9-5 job (even though I want to work in a traditional 9-5, I just haven’t found the right one yet).

But in reality, I’ve been doing a lot of work, work on myself. The achievements and strides I’m making in my life right now can’t be measured by something I can post on the internet or even brag about, really. I’ve been focusing on what’s working in my life, what’s not working in my life, focusing on my healing, my language, how I speak to myself, how I speak to others. I do this work every single day (maybe that’s a problem, maybe I should work on taking breaks and just being) and it’s such a blessing to be able to have this time and these finances and the living space to truly just do my own thing. 

If I think about things that way, maybe I’ll panic less and appreciate more. I’m definitely not wasting my time. I’ve been blooming all along.

This is the time of year where people start planning for the future, making resolutions to improve or start something new in the new year. I definitely have some big hopes for the upcoming months and lots of stuff I’m looking forward to, ways I’m hoping to grow in the future. But I want to take this time as we wind down the year to reflect on how far I’ve come and show a little gratitude for all I’ve learned along the way. 

So this month, I’m going to be writing (and talking! omg!) about growth and gratitude; taking stock in where I want to be and also showing appreciation for the progress I’ve made so far. There can be no growth without gratitude, I can’t possibly take another step forward without first appreciating how far I’ve already come.

In the new year, I want to practice more gratitude for the life I’m currently living and I want to grow into someone who can exist in the moment, someone who can bloom where I am planted.

 

This entry was written for WEEK 1 of the Finding the Right Words December Challenge under the theme of GROWTH & GRATITUDE. Follow along using the graphic above and write about whatever comes to mind with the corresponding prompts. Share with me using the tag #FTRW or email me at jdoggett9 [at] gmail. 

There’s no wrong way to journal. You just gotta find the right words. Happy Writing!