Daddy Lessons
Finding the Right Words Day #24: FAMILY
When I was kid––I don’t remember when, sometime between 7 and 11––my dad handed me a brick. He told me that the day that I can throw that brick through somebody’s window and the police don’t call him, then I’m officially a grown up. Then he kept on about his business.
Needless to say my young self was confused as hell by this random interlude. My father speaks in more parables than Jesus. Every word out his mouth is a story, a lesson, a chance for a childhood self to eye roll so hard that my eyeballs might actually get stuck that way. But as I’ve gotten older, his stories are starting to make more and more sense.
See, what he was trying to impress upon me with the brick was that at that time in my life, he was responsible for me as my parent. If I commit a crime, the cops are gonna make sure my parents are liable. And my parents are not just responsible for me in the judicial sense. Mom and dad are responsible for making sure I know what I’m supposed to know so I can make it through life as successful and unscathed as possible.
And there’s more to my father’s brick allegory. At some point in my life, the cops aren’t gonna call my daddy or my momma. They’re gonna throw my ass in jail for throwing a brick through someone’s window. At a certain point in my life, I’m responsible for myself.
I think through therapy and a lot of Instagram pop psychology many of us have come to understand childhood trauma and the significance of our childhood experiences in our adult lives. But I wonder if sometimes we cede too much responsibility for our actions as adults on the hardships we endured and the lessons we learned in youth.
At what point do our parents stop being responsible for us and we start being responsible for ourselves?
My childhood was not perfect and there are many things that the grownups in my life could have and should have done differently. But I’m not a kid anymore. I can and should take care of myself. I can’t blame my mom and dad for everything nor can I depend on them for everything at this point. Eventually, I gotta grow up and make grown up decisions. There can be lots of reasons why I do the things that I do or feel the things that I feel. There are a lot of physical and emotional traits that I get from my mama and my dad. But there have to be some habits, morals, and characteristics that I need to develop and live by for myself.
I can’t let them run my life forever. And like my dad was trying to tell me back then, they’re not supposed to run my life forever. Eventually I have to learn to think for myself and be responsible for my own actions.
I didn’t understand the brick when I was a kid but I understand that story (and a lot of other things) now that I’ve reached adulthood. And I’ll still keep my father’s lessons in my mind as I make my own rules for my own life.
This entry was written under the prompt FAMILY, Day 24 of the Finding the Right Words 30-Day Journaling Challenge. Follow along using the graphic above and write about whatever comes to mind with the corresponding prompt. Share with me using the tag #FTRW or email me at joliedoggett [at] substack.com.
There’s no wrong way to journal. You just gotta find the right words. Happy Writing!