PROMPT: What's something you've done that made you feel incredibly proud of yourself?
“The achievements and strides I’m making in my life right now can’t be measured by something I can post on the internet or even brag about, really… [I’m] showing appreciation for the progress I’ve made so far… I can’t possibly take another step forward without first appreciating how far I’ve already come.” - Me 🙃
^^ I wrote those words in my first post for this month’s journaling challenge. As I’m writing this last entry of the month and of the year, I’m thinking about how this challenge of writing and self discovery almost didn’t start at all.
On Friday, September 1, I spent the whole day in a state of panic. I’d been thinking about writing again for a while. It had been years since I wrote or edited a personal essay and I’d been planning on publishing my journal entries and mental health learnings for a long time. But after struggling through deaths in my family and losing my job and moving and friendships ending and getting sick, my confidence was really low and my depression was really high. There was so much doubt in my mind: What if no one reads it? What if it’s stupid, who needs to know about your mental health struggles? You left your job and you started a newsletter? You should be ashamed of yourself. Your writing isn’t even that good.
I didn’t want to let my low self esteem lead me to putting off my dreams for one more minute.
But I kept repeating “I can do this, I can do this.” Because I really did want to do it! I wanted something to look forward to everyday. I want to put my writing into the world again. And I didn’t want to let my low self esteem lead me to putting off my dreams for one more minute. “I can do this” became something of a mantra for me throughout the September 1st launch day and throughout the following 30 days of writing and publishing and promoting my inner work every day on what became Finding the Right Words. I can do this, I can do this.
And you know what, reader? I did it! And I’m really proud of myself.
It’s not just the newsletter I’m proud of although I am SUPER happy that I started this little challenge that could. I’ve been able to express myself in ways that felt authentic to me for the first time in years. I’ve connected with amazing people on their own journey of self discovery and I’ve had some amazing opportunities come my way as a result of my vulnerability. I started my own freaking podcast which is something I’ve always wanted to do! I’ve done a lot of work on my mental health and habits that I’ve been able to document publicly and see not only my progress, but growth in people following along on my journey.
I’m so grateful that I started this challenge and I’m still in awe of the results but I’m truly proud of myself. I didn’t start this newsletter to gain money or followers or anything (although that’s happened and I’m so honored and blessed!) I started Finding the Right Words to challenge myself to show up for myself every day and write and work on my mental health and be honest in my communication. I’m proud that I did something for myself even though my mental state at the time was telling me I didn’t deserve any good things. Through this challenge, I learned to prioritize myself and commit to myself and work on myself and celebrate myself and my creativity. I want to keep doing that forever.
It’s no secret that 2023 has been a rough year for me. Lots of loss, lots of loneliness, lots of illness, lots of involuntary change. But doing this challenge helped sharpen my focus on the good things about myself and the life I was living. I have learned to dream again, to see a future where things could be… different.
When I focus on the things I want as opposed to the things I’ve lost, I can create something really magnificent when I give myself that chance.
At the time of writing this last entry of my December Finding the Right Words Challenge, we’re fast approaching New Years Eve and I’m deep in the throes of a nasty cold. My plans for celebrating the new year with friends have been replaced with plans to stay in bed with tissues stuffed in my nose and cough drops stuffed in my cheeks but that’s okay. At this point, I’m used to things not going as expected.
While I’m bedridden, I’m able to reflect on my 2023. I let a lot of grief and shame and fear and depression hold me back this year. But I’m hoping to let go of the past and start to look ahead because I see that when I do that, when I focus on the things I want as opposed to the things I’ve lost, I can create something really magnificent when I give myself that chance.
I’m proud that despite my depression and illnesses and losses this year, I believed I could make my life different, and I did it. I. Did. That. And that just shows me that I can do so much more. I want to be able to have more FAITH in myself and in what God can do for me. I want to keep working on my physical and mental HEALTH. I want to continue to be honest and BOLD in my communication with others. I want to keep thriving in my CREATIVITY, building on what I’ve started and achieving new dreams. I want to LOVE myself more strongly and deepen the loving connections in my life that I value so much.
Faith, Health, Boldness, Creativity, and Love. That’s what I want in my next year of living and dreaming. I want it all and I can do it all. I can do this.
This entry was written for WEEK 4 of the Finding the Right Words December Challenge under the theme of GROWTH & GRATITUDE🌺. Follow along using the graphic above and write about whatever comes to mind with the corresponding prompts. Share with me using the tag #FTRW or email me at jdoggett9 [at] gmail.
There’s no wrong way to journal. You just gotta find the right words. Happy Writing!
Happy New Year Jolie! I'm so proud of you for starting this burgeoning community. I can't wait to see where it goes in 2024. You inspire me to write and create more. I think I'll go back and use some of these prompts myself.