i luv myself (eventually)

Finding the Right Words CHANGE Challenge: Week 3

a blooper. just a girl doing her best.

PROMPT: What’s something in your life that you’re actively trying to change?

There are A LOT of things I want to change about myself: 

My people pleasing

My procrastination 

My tendency to isolate and dissociate 

My lack of boundaries

My Complex PTSD

My weight

My emotionality

My dance moves

My spending habits

My communication skills

I’m putting a lot of effort into these things. I’m seeing professionals, I’m taking SSRIs, I’m journaling every damn day. I’m acknowledging my mistakes, I’m trying again, I’m practicing new habits. I’m actively, always trying to change.

But I think what I want to change the most is feeling like I need to change. I want to learn to stop thinking that I'm broken or need fixing. Of course I want to keep growing and keep evolving and keep learning and keep healing. But I want to change the way I beat myself the fuck up for not being perfect. I want to believe I am still lovable and worth respect and commitment even if there are things wrong with me. I want to stop thinking of myself as “wrong.” I want to change how I treat and think about myself. 

I want to give myself grace

I want to give myself patience

I want to accept help without guilt

I want to be nicer to myself

I want to love myself just the way I am

If nothing else ever changes for me, I hope there will come a day when I can look at myself, flaws and all, and think, “This is a-OK. Sweetie, don't change a thing.”

I'm learning the balance between self improvement and self acceptance.

This entry was written for WEEK 3 of the Finding the Right Words October Challenge under the theme of CHANGE. Follow along using the graphic above and write about whatever comes to mind with the corresponding prompt. Share with me using the tag #FTRW or email me at jdoggett9 [at] gmail. 

There’s no wrong way to journal. You just gotta find the right words. Happy Writing!