Trying to Be Nice to Myself
Finding the Right Words Day #14: FAKE
Affirmations don’t come easily to me.
One of the most prevalent symptoms of my mental illness is negative self talk. My friend once told me that I do more than beat myself up. I back myself into a corner and get a whole gang to jump my subconscious into submission. No one in this world will even be harder on me than I am on myself.
But I’m working on it! I’m in therapy, I’m on medication, and I obviously journal. And, because I’m a smarty pants overachiever, I read a lot of books and listen to a lot of podcasts and lectures and watch a lot of videos about maintaining mental health and overcoming depression. One thing I’ve learned is that a good way to reprogram your self-consciousness and eliminate negative self-talk/self-esteem is through affirmations, the practice of positive thinking and self-empowerment through consistent and repeated positive self-talk.
But I’ve always struggled with this. I find staring into the mirror repeating platitudes to my reflection to be kind of cringey. And also disingenuous. It feels fake, it feels like lying to tell myself things I don’t actually believe (yet).
But maybe that’s the point. Maybe that’s the magic of affirmations. Maybe you’re supposed to say it until you believe it, fake it til you make it (reality). And despite how fake I think it is, the alternative is to keep beating myself up and being mean in my head and that’s dumb.
So how do I typically go about doing something that I don’t know how to do?
Well, Step One is Practice.
Maybe I should ease into it. I guess a good place to start is with the truth. What are the (positive) things I know to be true about myself? Like, maybe I don’t think I’m successful in the traditional sense at this moment. But it’s true that I’ve had some pretty cool, high profile jobs. Or maybe I don’t think I look good in certain clothes. But I know I always smell good (my perfume collection is crazy!) and that aids in my attractiveness. Oh shit, I’m already doing it! I’m already affirming myself! 🙃
Step Two is Study.
If I can’t affirm myself, maybe I should surround myself with people who do affirm me. Maybe I should spend more time with my close friends. Maybe I should go lay up in my momma’s lap so she can baby me. Maybe I should go to church and remind myself how much God loves me. Maybe I should re-read some of the super kind comments on my first Instagram post in over three years. By seeing how other people do it, by understanding what specific words or actions make me feel good, maybe I can learn to do it on my own.
Step Three is Adjust.
When I’m weight lifting or trying a new pole dance combo and I don’t yet have the full range, I ask for or create my own modification. Because I don’t wanna hurt myself by going too hard at something when I’m just starting out. Maybe affirmations work the same way. Maybe it doesn’t have to look the way I think it does. Maybe it doesn’t have to be done in the mirror or the journal. Maybe it’s leaving myself voice notes. Or maybe it’s not my words at all! Maybe it’s writing down song lyrics that really speak to me and how I want to feel. Maybe it’s taking selfies and sending them to my group chat so they can gas me up.
Affirmations don’t (yet) come easy to me but perhaps it’s not supposed to be easy. Like most lifestyle changes, maybe it takes time to see results. But I’m willing to give it that time. To affirm myself, I’m not someone who doesn’t do something just because it’s hard (as I’ve said before, I’m an overachiever).
This entry was written under the prompt FAKE, Day 14 of the Finding the Right Words 30-Day Journaling Challenge. Follow along using the graphic above and write about whatever comes to mind with the corresponding prompt. Share with me using the tag #FTRW or email me at joliedoggett [at] substack.com.
There’s no wrong way to journal. You just gotta find the right words. Happy Writing!