Been thinking a lot about what it means to be a “best friend” in adulthood.
In Kindergarten and elementary school, some kid was always telling me they’d be my best friend if I gave them a pink Starburst. In middle and high school, friendship was based on who you were in classes with and with whom you at lunch. For some people, their best friend is someone they already have a different kind of relationship with. Like, their parent or a sibling or cousin is their bestie. For others, their spouse or romantic partner also holds the “best friend” title.
I have a lot of best friends.
I have friends that I call “best” who I’ve known since childhood. I have homies from high school and college with whom I have a lot in common. My mom is my best friend because she gives good advice and I love her the most. I have best friends who I’ve known for less than a year but who’ve been there for me in some of life’s toughest times. I’ve even made a best friendship on the job through mutual hatred of other coworkers and managers.
So what makes a friend the “best?” Is it some kind of promotion from regular friendship? Is based on what you do? Where you live? How much you know about the other friend? How alike you are? How you talk to each other? Is it based on time invested in the relationship? Or shared trauma and drama?
I think I’m a good friend. I listen, I’m helpful, I offer pretty decent advice. Parents love me! I’m great at gift giving. And I’ll hype you up in your selfies or celebrations. But my friendships (and my actions within them) have changed as I’ve gotten older.
In my youth, I used to see my friends all the damn time because we went to school together or we lived together as roommates. Nowadays, I’m lucky if I see or talk to my people once a month and we mostly communicate through memes online.
My friends and I were always involved in some shenanigan. Running the streets, hiding bodies, having a grand ol’ time. But in the today of things, we have wayyy more responsibilities to our jobs, to our children, to our partners and to ourselves and our failing health. We’re too old for shenanigans now and I’m no longer down for whatever with my homies.
My closest buds and I used to read the same books and wear the same style clothes and watch the shame shows and listen to the same music and have crushes on the same celebrities and have the same sense of humor. But my opinions and politics and interests have changed as I’ve grown. And as such, I don’t really have a lot in common with the friends I have today.
The thing is, I think all of these changes are fine!
I don’t know the criteria that makes someone a “best” friend. I’m sure it varies from person to person. But I do think a good friendship of any kind should be rooted in love and affection, respect for each other’s time and values, and acceptance of the other person as they are and as they will become.
You don’t have to be everything to every person you call a friend all the time. I think to be a good friend starts with being a good person. Being yourself is the best you have to offer anyone.
This entry was written under the prompt BEST, Day 20 of the Finding the Right Words 30-Day Journaling Challenge. Follow along using the graphic above and write about whatever comes to mind with the corresponding prompt. Share with me using the tag #FTRW or email me at joliedoggett [at] substack.com.
There’s no wrong way to journal. You just gotta find the right words. Happy Writing!