I hate doing my hair.
Washing. Styling. Brushing. Detangling. Stretching. Twisting. Parting. Combing. Curling. Oiling. All of it.
I have really gorgeous hair, I’m not even gonna lie. I got a big, thick afro that when stretched reaches down past my bra strap. It’s kinky and coily and usually smells good thanks to my bevy of products accumulated over the last decade.
Don’t get me wrong, I’m happy to be nappy. You won’t find me in the “ethnic beauty” aisle of the pharmacy looking for a box relaxer anytime soon (those things give you cancer, anyway). I just find the process of dealing with my hair, cleaning it, making it presentable (by my standards but also by society’s) to be just tedious and exhausting. I know my other natural hair girlies and curlies GOT to feel me.
The worst part of my hair care regimen is wash day. I dread washing my hair. The entire process takes me hours, at least four, at most 12 (❗️), on average six. And I’m too old to be standing in the shower contorting myself to reach the nooks and crannies of my scalp for hours on end! So, I put it off for as long as I can. For weeks. Sometimes… for months (I can hear the Game of Thrones “shame” bell ringing). And then it gets dry and dirty and tangled and gross and by then, I feel ugly and the actual act of washing and conditioning and detangling my mane becomes an even more daunting, seemingly impossible task.
But it is a necessary task. For both my physical and mental health. And so, I’m trying to change the way I think about my hair maintenance.
I’m actually trying to change the way I think about a lot of things that don’t come easily to me.
I’m learning that self-discipline is an important part of self-care. Taking care of myself and my mental and physical health is not always going to be fun and easy or as simple as jotting quotes and platitudes in my journal every few days. Sometimes, it’s going to require doing things I don’t want to do like apologizing to someone when I’ve responded from a negative emotional place or violated their boundaries. It’s going to require making sure I’m eating enough and drinking less alcohol to manage my own mood and my gut health so illnesses aren’t adding to my anxiety. It’s going to require enforcing my boundaries so I can maintain the routines that keep me from getting overwhelmed or unhealthy. It’s going to require going to the doctor and making the necessary appointments and sending the necessary emails and getting the necessary things done around the house so I can manage my life and health in peace and harmony.
Self discipline is the foundation of self care. It’s the ground your life is built upon. Once you make sure your basic needs and responsibilities are met, you can truly begin to flourish.
When I think of my chores, interpersonal responsibilities and maintenance routines as part of my self care, it not only gets easier to keep up with these things but it also reminds me that taking care of the not fun, administrative and relational parts of being alive are essential to living a good life. A healthy life. A happy life. A whole life.
Reader, I want you to know that I did wash my hair this week after putting it off since before Christmas 🙈 Don’t judge me! And you know what? I feel good! I feel like a burden has been lifted off my shoulders (I probably actually have lifted some weight off my shoulders from washing that grime away). But I also feel good because now I look good, my confidence is up. And I feel more capable to tackle other tasks ahead of me.
What a difference a wash day makes.
What would happen if you look at your responsibilities a little differently?
This entry was written for WEEK 3 of the Finding the Right Words January Challenge under the theme of What if…?💭. Follow along using the graphic above and write about whatever comes to mind with the corresponding prompts. Share with me using the tag #FTRW or email me at jdoggett9 [at] gmail.
There’s no wrong way to journal. You just gotta find the right words. Happy Writing!
I agree. Self-discipline is a way to saying "I love you, so I support your longevity". It took me a while to realize I value the compounded rewards of delayed gratification over the quick dopamine hits of short term satisfactions.
Also I feel you on the wash day struggle. I too feel too damn old to be contorting myself in the shower to wash my hair. I deserve clean hair, but do I have to be the one to clean it? lol
I recently was at my bestie’s place (she has I think 4C curls, and a 1.5 year old) to keep her company on wash day and she showed me how to do her protective twists so we are starting a lil ritual of friend time where I can help her with this self care too! It feels sacred and I feel honoured to have this deep friendship and ethos of care with her 😇